英剧IT 狂人 第一季01

叶凝云

          隔夜的果酱
希望你别觉得尴尬  珍
Hope this doesn't embarrass you Jen,
我发现  对待新员工最好的办法
but I found the best thing to do with the new employee
就是用眼神打量他们
is to size them up with a long hard stare.
-那么  -怎样
- So! - So.
-第一天上班  -没错
- First day! - Yes!
-害怕吧  -对
- Scary...? - Yes...
-别怕  -其实我也不是很怕
- Don't be scared! - Oh I'm not really scared.
应该怕
You should be!
-人家确实有点怕怕啦  -啥  别怕
- Well I'm a little bit scared. - What? Don't be!
你到底想怎样
Make up your mind!
好吧  你说
So here you are!
其实  我希望能干些...
Yes. I'm... really looking forward to... getting to grips with the...
我决定把你安排在I.T.部门
I'm gonna put you in I.T.
因为简历里提到
Because you said on your
你在电脑方面颇有经验
CV you had a lot of experience with computers.
是有提过啦
I did say that on my CV yes.
我在电脑...  方面的经验确实比较丰富
I have lots of experience with the whole...computer... thing
神马电子邮件啦
you know, e-mails...
发邮件  收邮件  删邮件
sending e-mails, receiving e-mails, deleting e-mails...
-还有很多  -说
- ... I could go on. - Do!
我会上网  会点鼠标  各种鼠标
The Web... Using mouse... mices... using mice.
单击  双击
Clicking... double clicking...
当然还会开显示器  打字
the computer screen of course, the keyboard...
还有那地上的那啥...
the...bit that goes on the floor down there...
-硬盘吗  -就是它
- The hard drive? - Correct.
看来  你还真是这方面的专家啊
Well, you certainly seem to know your stuff.

就这么定了  我看好你哟
That settles. Got a good feeling about you Jen!
那边正好缺个主管
And they need a new manager.
太好了
Oh fantastic!
我的同事怎么样
So... the people I'll be working with, what're they like?
标准的书呆子
Standard nerds!

你好  I.T.部
Hello I.T.?
重启过没
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
边上的钮亮不亮
OK, well, the button on the side, is it glowing
好吧  你得先开机
Yeah, you need to turn it on!
就按那个钮
The button, turns it on?!
没错  你...
Yeah... You... Yeah...
不是吧  不会按
You do know how a button works, don't you?


不是  不是衣服上的
No, not on clothes!
你好  I.T.部
Hello, I.T.?
是嘛
Yeah?
有没有试过强制重启
Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
不  就是这样  我听见声了
No, no! There you go! No there you go, I just heard it come on.
不不  是开机音乐
No no, that's the music you hear when it comes on.
不  有音乐说明...
No, that's the music you hear when...

妈的  你从侏罗纪来的啊
I'm sorry, are you from the past?!
驱动程序通过修补
See the driver hooks a
系统调用表调用挂钩函数
function by patching the system call table.
所以直接卸载不安全
So it's not safe to unload it,
除非让另一个进程接管
unless another thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff.
如果在无效内存中挂掉就悲催了
... and you don't want to end up in middle of invalid memory.

人呢
Hello?
是嘛  有本事过来单挑
Oh really? Really, why don't you come down here and make me then?
你算毛  你爸是李刚啊
What? Oh you think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you!
有种下来  随时恭候
You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for ya!
丫的欠吼
That told her!
我去  你好错过好戏了
Oh God, it's about time you got back, it's been all go.
你接活了
You had a job?
五楼那姑娘
Girl on fifth...
你跟她...  投缘吗
Did you and her... hit it off?


啥叫"投缘"
Define "Hit it off"?
修完电脑后  她还理你吗
Did she continue talking to you once you'd fixed her computer?
不理
No...
我修电脑时  她还在我背上放了个杯子
And while I was working on it, she rested a cup on my back.
-不了个是吧  -你看
- No?! - Yep!

这货不是人
Unbelievable!
没错  楼上的对咱们太"没"尊重了
Yeah, I mean they've not respect for us up there,
"不"尊重  咬文嚼字最讨厌了
no respect whatsoever!
简直当咱是"浓明公"啊
We're all just drudgens to them

没错
Yes!
虽然没有"浓明公"这个词
If there were such a thing as a drudgen,
不过意思差不多
that is what we'd be to them.
打印机坏了的时候
It's like they're pally-wally
一个个都跟孙子似的敬着你
when there's a problem with their printer
只要一修好
but once it's fixed...
就像对待隔夜的果酱  把咱甩了
They toss us away like yesterday's jam!

没错  隔夜的果酱  太形象了
Yes! Yesterday's jam! That is what we are to them!
其实有点不恰当
Actually you know what? That doesn't really work as a thing...
果酱保质期很长的
because you know, jam lasts for ages...


你好  I.T.部
Hello, I.T. ?
重启过没
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
男女混用卫生间
Unisex toilets?
你们居然有男女混用卫生间
You have unisex toilets,
跟《甜心俏佳人》里一样
like Ally McBeal?
珍  这里就是那种
That's the sort of place this is, Jen.
美人不干活  天天搞外遇的地方
A lot of sexy people not doing much work... and having affairs.

天呐  看这风景
Oh my God! Look at that view!
我仿佛置身世界之巅
I feel like I'm on top of the world.
好了珍  我就送你到这儿
Well Jen, this is where I leave you.
34层
Floor 34.
太棒了  谢谢  我要去哪层
Great sir, thank you. OK. Where am I going?
一路直下...  地下室
All... the way down to the basement.
好运
Good luck!


请离开电梯
Get out of the lift...
-没拉完呢  -额滴神呐
- Oh. Won't be a tick! - Oh my God!
爹呀  娘呀  晃瞎了我的眼呐
Oh my God! Oh God! OK.
有人吗
Hello?

有人在吗
Hello?
没错  托尔斯泰曾经曰过...
Yes I believe it was Tolstoy who said...
哟  有客至
Oh, it seems we have a visitor.
抱歉  方才吾与莫里斯就书籍
I'm sorry, myself and Morris were just engaged
等问题进行了深入探讨
in quite a serious discussion about books and such.
没听见汝来
We didn't hear you come in.


等等  你刚说托尔斯泰  他说啥了
Wait a second, you said it was Tolstoy, he said what?
现在勿言介个  莫里斯
Oh never mind that now, Morris!
你什么时候读过托尔斯泰的书
When have you read Tolstoy?

闭嘴  莫里斯
Shut up, Morris!
你干嘛不说人话
Why are you speaking that weird voice?
什么时候...  我完全不记得聊过这些
When did... I don't remember this conversation at all!
别... 你们继续  我不打搅了
Don't... don't let me disturb you,
我只是下来...
I just wanted to come down....
别傻了  你哪会打...
Don't be silly you never dist...
很多人都喜欢下来串门
Many people come down here to visit!

啥  谁会下来  什么人
What are you talking about? Who comes down? What people?
你干嘛暗示我闭嘴
Why are you giving me the secret signal to shut up?!
我们能”做你什么"[语序说倒了]
So... What can we do you for?
我是这个部门的新主管
I'm the new head of this department.
这是我的办公室吗
Is this my office?


纳尼  她刚刚是不是说...
Why? What did she... Did she just say...
-我才是主管  -我以为是我
- I am the head of this department! - I thought I was.
反正不是你就是我  绝不是她
It's one of us! Certainly not her!
我去找她说清楚
I'm gonna sort this out...
罗伊  你的脑袋破了  破啦
Roy! You've got a head wound there... Head wound!

你好
Hi!
不是我冒犯
I don't wanna be rude or anything
但我没收到任何人事变动通知
but I wasn't informed of any changes to this department.
他们没跟你提起我吗
Oh, did they not tell you about me?
没有
No!
我俩在这挺好  多谢关照
And we are perfectly fine down here, thank you very much,
不需要第三者盯梢
we're more than capable of taking care of ourselves.
当然  当然
Sure... sure...
你知道自己在流血吧
You know you're covered in blood?

莫斯
Moss!
淘宝的快递
Amazon thingy.
太好了
Ah! Wicked!
我知道是啥东西  最新的《哈利?波特》
I know what this is. It's the new Harry Potter.
我买了一本儿童版一本成人版
I got the child edition and the adult edition
想看看内容有啥区别
just to check that there are no differences in the text.
抱歉  我搞不定那娘们
Sorry but I'm not gonna be able to deal with that woman!
没人接电话吗  我来接
Is nobody else going to get the phone? I suppose I'll get it!
好吧  拿错了  我要躺一会儿
No, that is not a phone. I'm gonna have a little lie down.

请进
Come in!
是的  丹农  是  是
Yeah, Denholm. Yeah, yeah.
没...  他们表现都挺好的
No no no... No they've been fine so far.
是的  我们会相处的很融洽
Yeah. I think we're gonna get on great.
嗯  我知道
Yeah, I know.
那先这样  多保重
All right then, now you take care.
好的  明白
All right, yeah I will, yeah.
好的
Ok!
好的  保重  保重
Ok, take care, take care!
好的  拜拜  拜拜
Ok bye! Bye!

你好
Oh, so, hello!
我能做你...  我能为你做点什么
What can I do you fo... What can I do for you?
你好  我刚才在想
Hello. I was just wondering...
你需要我帮你接电话线吗
Do you want me to connect up your phone?
不不不  不用
No no no... No.
电话能用  我刚刚才跟丹农通过电话
It's working. I was just talking to Denholm.

这也能打
But how?!
你不介意...  你不介意帮我关门吧
Oh do you mind... Do you mind closing the door for me?
当然  没问题
Oh yeah, sure.
请从外面关
Yeah. From the other side...
好吧
Of course.
-像这样吗  -没错
- Like this? - That's it!
-我站在...  -多谢
- With me on the... - Thanks!

你没事吧
Are you all right?
没事  莫斯  还没死
Oh yes, Moss, I'm fine!
护士说我没什么大碍
The nurse said I didn't do myself any serious damage.
我站在这儿呢
I'm standing over here!
我知道  开个玩笑  我没事
I know, I know, I'm joking, I'm fine!
该怎么对付她
What we gonna do about her?
我刚才进去  她居然假装打电话
Well, I just went in, and she was having a pretend conversation.

-真的吗  -没错
- Really? - Yes.
反正  她有点脑残
She's a little bit weird... to say the least.
那是神马
What's that?
水  有时我耳朵会发热
Oh just water. Sometimes, I get a hot ear,
要降降温
and this helps cool it down.
她真是个怪胎
She is quite the oddbod...
你注意到没  她看到这台ZX-IT一代
Did you notice how she didn't even get excited
一点反映都没有
when she saw this original ZX-IT 1?
就是  她脑残
Yeah, that was weird.
好像一点也不懂电脑
It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.
啥
What?!
你干嘛
Look what you did!
没关系  我泡茶总是泡两杯
Oh don't worry that's why I always make 2 cups of tea.
对了  刚才说到哪了
Anyway, what were we talking about?
说她不懂电脑
Oh, her not knowing anything about computers.
啥
What?!
我一定要把她赶走
I definitely want to get rid of her.
同意
I agree yeah.

计划是这样的
Ok, so, here's the plan:
还有计划  先等我戴上大号眼镜
A plan? Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.
好了  说吧
Ok, hit me!
-好  我们进去  -神马时候
- Ok. We go in... - When?
再等一分钟
You know, like in a minute.
一分钟能说完吗
Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?
好吧  其实也算不上什么计划
Yeah, you know what? I shouldn't have used the word "Plan"!
害你小激动了
I... I've clearly gotten you over-excited!
明明是大激动好吧
Would "steamed" be a better word?
反正都是兴奋  我还是用这副吧
Although that's just as exciting, I might even use these.
我只是想说...
All I was gonna say was...
进去之后  我扯几句术语
We go in, I make up a load of bullocks about computers
看她听不听得懂
and we'll see if she picks up on it.
难怪你说"算不上计划"
Yes. I can see why you didn't want to use the word "Plan".
让我跟她说
Let me do the talk.
好吧
All right.
莫斯
Ouh, Moss, Moss Moss!
我们得给力啊
Ok, we need to get this right, you know?
要淡定
We... we need to stay calm.
不打无准备之仗
We do not wanna go in there half-cocked.

等等  筒子们
Hang on, guys.
找我有什么事
How can I help?
既然你已经是我们的主管了
Well, we were just wondering now that you're "The Boss",
需要我们去数据中心
would you like us to access the data supplier
帮你接入公司网络中间件吗
and connect you up to the matrix?
你们故意的是吧
You just made all that up?
你根本不懂电脑  招了吧
You don't know anything about computers, admit it!
别跟我耍花招  快滚回去
Will you stop trying to undermine me! Now get in there,
给我老老实实搞电脑去
and do some work, to do with computers!
我一分钟后去检查
I'll be in there in a minute and check up on you!
行啊  小娘们
Ok, lady!
算你狠  君子报仇十年不晚
You've won this round, but we can wait!
你总有一天会露馅
You will slip up one day,
我们走着瞧
and believe you me, we will be there when you do!
总有证据能证明
There will be some piece of evidence that will prove
你是个毫无疑问的
without any shadow of a doubt
电脑大白痴
that you don't know anything about computers.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
给你的电脑插电
Plugging in your computer.
不管你说什么  做什么
It might be something you say... or something you do!
总会露出马脚的  最好别被我们逮着
But when we notice this, and believe me we will notice this,
否则你会死的很惨  小妞
there's gonna be a long way down for you, sweet chicks!
他马上就会反应过来...
He'll realise in a second...

真不敢相信  你们居然来打小报告
I cannot believe you're going to tell on me.
你俩就像老巫婆
You're like a pair of horrible old women.
她说啥
What did she say?
她说我们像老巫婆
She said we're like horrible old women.
不了个是吧
She didn't!
你们好
Hey guys!
找我有事吗
Ok, got something to tell me?
是这样的
Yes, well, it's like this:
看看你们  我的I.T.团队
Look at you! My I.T. Team.
-没错  -你们每个人都是团队的一员
- Yeah. - Team players each and every one of you.
但她...
Yeah, what she...
在我这儿没有团队精神可不行
There's no room for people who can't act in a team on my team!

抱歉
Excuse me.
喂
Hello?
什么
What?!
你们如果不能团队合作就给我走人
Well if you can't work as a team, you're all fired!
没听错  你们被解雇了  
That's it, you heard me, fine!
收拾东西走人
Get your things and go!
喂  保卫科吗
Hello, Security?
四楼的人都被炒了
Everyone on floor 4 is fired.
把他们从大楼里轰出去
Escort them from the premises.
别忘了团队合作
And do it as a team!
记住你们是个团队
Remember you're a team,
如果没有团队精神也给我走人
and if you can't act as a team, you're fired too!
道恩
Dawn!
找人事部  让他们招一组
Get onto recruitment. Tell them to look for a security team
有团队精神的保安队
that can work as team.
让他们把现在的保安队轰出去
They may have to escort our security team from the building,
他们没有团队精神
for not acting like a team!

团队  团队  团队
Team! Team team team team team!
我特喜欢说这个词
I even love saying the word "Team".
你们可能认为这是我的全家福
You probably think that's a picture of my family?
这是顶级团队
It's the A-Team.
宝迪  道尔  泰格  和珠宝男
Body, Doyle, Tiger, the Jewellery Man!
都是精英
All of them!
话说你们来找我干嘛
So what do you wanna tell me?
我们合不来
Well, it's just not working out.
-他开玩笑的  -但你说...
- He's joking! - But you said...
合不来
Not working out?
不  不
Oh no! No!
我们好似干柴烈火
We are getting on like a big house on fire!
-没错  -我的耳朵烫死了
- Yeah! - My ear's getting hot!
看来我们该走了  因为...
No... You know what? We should leave, now, because
你是个大忙人
you know, you're a busy man
抱歉  占了你很多时间
and we've taken far too much of your time.
珍你能帮我开门吗
Jen could you just get the door for me there?
当然  罗伊
Absolutely Roy!
那你们来干嘛
So why did you come here in the first place?
我们给你电脑装了个语言激活系统
We set up a voice activation system on your computer.
我觉得你会喜欢的
I think you're gonna enjoy it.
不过可能要花点时间
It might just take a little
做识别训练
while to get the pitch right on the voice
别着急  多跟它说说话  非常感谢
but nonetheless, go ahead! Thank you very much!

-拜拜  -谢谢
- Bye bye! - Thank you!
太激动了
How exciting!
你好
Hello...
电脑你好
Hello computer!
你好
Hello!
你好  电脑你好
Hello... Hello computer...

你到底会什么
What good are you?
你绝对是个电脑大菜鸟
You obviously don't know anything about computers.
好吧
No but... OK.
但我可以学嘛
But I can learn.
比如  莫斯
You know, I mean, for example Moss,
跟我说说你在干嘛
you could take me through what you're doing right now.
非常乐意
I'd be delighted!
我在写一段十分简单的程序代码
I'm just working on a very simple piece of programming code.
原来如此...
I see...
好吧  我又扯犊子了  压根没听懂
Oh God, no, I'm lying again! I didn't understand any of that!
我对电脑一窍不通...
I don't know anything about computers, I mean...
来这只能打酱油
I'm absolutely useless to you.
我还是打包回家算了
I might as well pack up and go home.

你好  请问罗伊在吗
Hi! Is... Roy around?
你好啊  小姑娘
Hello there little lady!
迷路了吗  要我带路吗  我是罗伊
Are you lost? How can I help you? I'm Roy.
让老娘下来是吧
You wanted me to come down?!
老娘我来了
Well here I am!!
别踹脸
Not the face!!
别踹脸
Not the face!!
老娘来教教你
Well maybe this will teach you
待人的基本礼貌
to treat people with a little bit of respect!
难道是因为之前的那通电话
Is it 'cos we spoke on the phone earlier?

俺的婶啊  这是莫罗的吗
Oh my God! Are those Manolo's?
莫罗：英国品牌，高跟鞋中的"贵族"
是啊
Yes!
真漂亮  贵吗
They are gorgeous! Were they expensive?
不贵  我趁打折买的
No, no no no! Got them in a sale.
真是精明啊
Oh God! Clever you!
我怎么就没赶上呢
I'm never lucky enough to get a bargain myself.
下次带你去
Well, I should take you shopping.
太好了
Yeah, no that would be fantastic.
到时候给你电话  
Oh I will give you a call.
再见  走好
Nice to meet you! Take care!

-再也别见了  -果然是老大
- Nice meeting you! - Chairman! Wow!
几句话就把那老女人搞定了
You just diffuse that entire situation!
什么老女人
What situation?
你说这个啊...  他经常被打吗
Oh oh, that.. yeah! Oh my God, does that happen a lot?
已经见怪不怪了
They're fairly regular, the beatings, yes.
每周正常一揍
I'd say we're on a by-weekly beatings.
别说的惨兮兮
Ah it's not all that bad!
认了吧罗伊  就是这么惨
Ah, come on Roy! It's pretty bad...
这我也许能帮上忙
Maybe I could help with this. You know, I mean...
我善于交际
I'm a people person and...
你们需要找个人帮忙搞外交
people like you need a person to deal with people...
比如我这种
a people person like me. Oh my God!
有主意了  大脑开动了
Ideas are coming! Things are happening here!
你们看这样如何
Ok, Ok, what would you say here,
如果我有个计划
if I told you that I had a plan
可以把你们在楼上的形象提升一倍  如何
to raise your profile upstairs by 100%. What would you say?
太假了  做梦
I can't be done! You're crazy!
罗伊你说呢  
What would you say Roy?
罗伊昏过去了  很好
Roy's passed out! Ok!
我需要一支记号笔  和几张纸
I need a felt-tip pen, and some paper.

派对  I.T.部  今晚5点45分
不不不
No no!
是真的
Oh no, really really really, that was a true story!
真是难以置信
Unbelievable!
以前咋没跟你们出去玩呢
I said why we don't go out with the I.T. Guys more often?
-你们太欢乐了  -必须的
- You're hilarious! - Yes we are!
你们应该多下来溜达溜达
You guys should come down here more often you know,
把这当成瑞农公司的新天地
you should see this as a new era for Reynholm Industries.
"瑞农公司的新天地"
"A new era for Reynholm Industries!"
有件非常非常有趣的事哦
Oh Do you know what! If you want to hear something really funny,
想听吗想听吗
a really funny story,
猜猜我和莫斯经历了什么
you should hear what happened to Moss and I,
有一次我们在阿姆斯特丹喝多了
when we were so drunk in Amsterdam
结果莫斯把眼睛弄丢了
that Moss lost his glasses!
莫斯  莫斯
Moss! Moss!
快过来  快过来
Come here! Come here!
跟他们讲讲喝醉后发生了什么
Tell them that story about when we were drunk in Amsterdam.
你确定
Really?
必须的
Yeah yeah yeah! Oh it's brilliant!
太给力了  你们肯定要笑到喷
Oh this a great story, you're gonna love it!

我再去开箱酒
I'm just gonna get another box of wine!
说吧
Well go on, then.
好吧
All right.
-有天晚上  我们喝多了  -然后呢
- Well, one night, we were really drunk. - Yeah.
我们醉到不行
And huh, we were so drunk
于是决定找鸡
that we decided to hire prostitutes.
可开房之后
And when they arrived to the hotel,
我们什么都不敢做
we were too scared to do anything,
于是带她们去了游乐场
so we brought them to the fair.
最后她们只收了我们一半的钱
Oh really nice! In the end, they only charged us half.
但交通费都是我们出的
But we did have to pay for all the rides.

怎么样  故事给力吧
Oh isn't that just the best story?
哦  伙计
Oh, man!
你不是让我永远别提那事的嘛
You told me to never tell that story to anyone.
你说啥呢  那故事多给力啊
Well, what're you talking about? That's a brilliant story!
后来你差点走沟里去
And then you nearly walked into the canal!
船夫那段你提了吗
Has it got to that part with the boatman?
你说的是我丢眼镜那事啊
Do you mean the story when I lost my glasses?
是啊
Yes!
你以为我指的是什么
What story did you think I mean?
莫斯
Moss?
你说什么了  你说什么了
What did you say?! What did you say?!

你们是没什么损失啦
It's all right for you two.
反正你们形象早就毁了
You're used to being social piranhas...
但通常我人气很高的
I'm a very popular person usually.
早上用鞋扁我那姑娘
That girl earlier, that tried to beat me to death with her shoes,
有她号码吗
did anybody get her number?
其实游乐场那天挺欢乐的
That was a nice day the fair, wasn't it?
跟小布和晶晶一起
With Brandy and Crystal!
你好  I.T.部
Hello I.T.?
重启过没
Yeah. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
你好  你好
Hello ! Hello !